Me For You

I am a person who talks to everyone at the airport, the person who smiles at every single person she has eye contact with. I am a person who loves people but can also not stand being with them for more than 5 minutes. I am a person who loves to listen, especially to those who like to talk about themselves, it amazes me how people have so much to say about themselves. I do not view it as a bad thing or as a defect, in the end, oneself is all oneself has, so it is normal for a person to have a lot to say about themselves. People can talk so much and I´ll listen to them, even when they are not speaking to me. Other people do not talk at all, I like them way better than the ones who talk. I usually just observe them. Their actions speak so much for them, it’s like I am speaking to them without really having to (very cool).

When I go for a walk, I like to observe every single thing that surrounds me, even though I could map my hometown in 5 minutes. Every time I walk and observe, I truly discover something new, from plants I have never seen before, to two old people kissing each other looking all in love.

I am a person who loves to read. I haven’t read my entire life, in fact, I probably just started reading two years ago. It is the best thing I started doing. When I open a book, I just know I won’t be present for however long I decide to read the pages in front of me. When I read a story, it’s like I’m living it, I can shut my mind up and enjoy this new world filled with adventure and danger and passion and heartbreak and murder and so much more; all from the comfort of whichever place I decide to open up a book. I love to write, I do. I haven’t written much lately because I haven’t felt like myself. I have been lost and when I’m lost I usually do not write. And, when I do decide to, it is probably going to be a very long text, which makes me lazy to start. Writing has always been a part of me. It is incredible how everyone knows so little about everyone. For example, if you are reading this you probably do not know that I have been having pretty bad anxiety attacks at night — which get to the point of me not being able to breathe properly for a while. It is ok if you don’t know, you shouldn’t have to, and there is no reason for why you should, but just like you know so little about the person writing this, I probably also know so little about my best friend or my neighbors.

We so deeply, almost automatically believe to know people; we assume that people are ok and even forget to treat them like people. I mean, wake up from the bubble you are living in, please! If you have a roof over your head be thankful for it and fricking smile to the person who does not. Be kind, to everyone not just your friends. Be empathic to every single living thing. Be helpful, be observant, be brave, be forgetful, be understanding, be sensitive, be. You are currently somewhere in the world, but just in case you forgot, there are other parts of the world you are currently living in. It is not only your world, you are sharing the world with Millions of people, you are not alone. I am someone who makes mistakes, who has made lots of them. I am someone who learns from my mistakes, I have learned a lot. For instance, I learned how to deal with food and not be afraid of it. I learned that the human body is something I am so very passionate about, I want to learn everything there is about it. I learned to listen, to forgive, and to be sorry. I learned to speak up for myself and I also learned that sometimes, I am definitely better off by myself with a book in my hands. I learned that music helps my anxiety but that sometimes it will win, and that is ok too. I learned that by walking and not looking at the floor I can discover things I had never seen before; as I said, I’ve learned a lot. I also know that I have so much more to learn; that is what makes me want to get out of my bed in the mornings. I will learn for the rest of my life, however long that is, how fricking amazing is that? I truly believe that there is no better skill we humans have. Those foolish people and I am calling them foolish because they are, who do not learn, who do not want to learn are missing out on the basic principle of literally survival. How do they think evolution happened and how do they think we, humans, have been able to create everything we have? By not learning; yeah I don’t think so.

I love to sing, but for myself more than for anyone else. I am even good at it, according to many people who I still don’t believe. I also really, really, really love to love humans. I love love, even though it hasn’t done me any good, or any lasting good, yet. I love with all my entire soul like one should do. I love carefully and probably too much. I am loyal to every single person that I decide will be part of my life, I am there for them and I stay there unless they ask me to go, even then, I fight for my place and them. I am no runner, but I am a fighter. I have been fighting my entire life mostly with myself, which is very exhausting. I haven’t gotten to the point where I understand all the feelings I feel in a day or the way my mind is always thinking, it never stops. I haven’t understood why I think so much and what I think about it. I do not know myself entirely, but I know who I am and who I want to become. I know where I want to go, and that scares the living everything out of me so f*cking much it is literally eating me up alive pretty much every single day. The future is such a scary thing for me, even though I know precisely what I want. I am genuinely me, I have never been more me. I know me, not entirely, but for now, I can say I know me.

Life has taught me so much because I have listened. I am sharing the small amount of wisdom life has given me with you. I am hoping it will give you a little light to know that you too can get to know yourself. Change the number of times you want to. Change is such a beautiful thing, embrace it, keep changing as much as you need to. Grow, never stop growing.

If you read all of this, take whatever resonates with you. Keep learning as much as you can, especially from the ones you have near you, those you see every day but have never had a meaningful conversation with. I promise you that anything they say, good or bad, will make you learn and therefore grow.